Oct 2, 2017

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Things to do when you are screamed at or harassed

One morning, the managing director of a company I worked at, came to my desk: “In my office, with instrument status report, in 5 minutes”.

Luckily I had it ready. So I rushed to print it out and hurried to his office.

After quickly turning 5-6 pages, he threw the report (more than 40 pages) in the air: “Mr. Dam, do you know what you are doing? This is all rubbish. You are mature enough. Why I have to tell you every time what to do?”

I was collecting the pages from ground, listening to his threats to fire me. Sometimes he did it in front of other colleagues.

This went on for at least 1 time per week for nearly 2 years.

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Few days ago from writing this post, I was telling this incident to a former colleague. I always had pain, anger, remembering that incident.

But just today, while writing this post and for the first time, I change the way to look at it and that changes quite a lot of things. Dr. Wayne Dyer mentioned this many times in his speeches or books. I start to realize the meaning only now.

I realize how to respond when I am harassed, screamed or yelled at.

But I have to write them down, so that I remember. At least if I forget, I can come back and read this post and remind myself.

I wish I knew and practiced these when I was much younger.

[Related Read: A List of 7 Day Challenges to Start Right Away]

Now I hope some of you know and start practicing them before you lose your spirit and self-control over harassment, screaming, yelling.

1) No Complain:

Just don't complain. More time than less, I made a situation worse by complaining back.

When a storm appears, you need to stay put. Eventually every storm passes.

Complaining back is like hoping to collect clear water from a puddle by stirring its muddy water. It's impossible. But if you don't disturb the disturbed puddle, you can have clear water in time.

Complaining back is really a waste of your mental and physical energy.

2) Embrace The Emotions:

When you are harassed, you feel angry or broke. I thought resisting or fighting back these so called "destructive" emotions, would be the way.

I was wrong.

Any resistance creates new sets of negative emotions, like blaming, judging others. I start to boil inside.

Now I realize that I need to embrace instead of reject. I accept that I give birth to these negative emotions.

Then I release them in a safe place.

Does it work? I am trying it these days and it works for me.

At one time, when I was rejected, I had so much pain that at first I wanted to die. Then I cried at one corner of my room. And that cleansed the anger, blaming or judging others.

3) Forgive:

Forgive the person who harassed you. Not only that, give the permission to forgive yourself. It will save you tremendous amount of effort and energy.

I had a landlady who harassed me for 2 years with complaints, xenophobic letters. My lawyer told me that I had a solid case against her.

I wanted to bring her to the court. I was angry, bitter, revengeful. Both my personal and professional lives were affected.

But then one day, I realized I was losing more of my mental peace to these negative thoughts. Also I realized I, myself, was allowing all these negative emotions to damage my life. So, I chose to forgive her. And myself.

I got some of my mental peace back.

4) Have Gratitude:

No matter what the circumstance is, there is always a reason to be thankful for. If you can't find any good reason, at least be thankful for being alive.

Sounds very skeptic. But it works.

One time, I was proposing a working practice to different parties (companies) involved in satellite design. It was only one slide with 6-7 lines. A senior manager from industry opposed strongly. For 30 minutes, he literally tortured me with his strong managerial skills.

I was watching the drama. I was thankful that I didn't spend energy thinking of any negative thoughts. I was thankful because I wasn't taking stress like he would do every day for this multi-billion dollar project.

It felt good.

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I can sense readers are rolling their eyes while reading, I will be criticized. I am OK with that. These practices will protect my mental and physical energy to be drained away.

I am feeling grateful.

[Related Read: Learn to Live Once Again After Rejection]

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