One morning, the managing director of a company I worked at, came to my desk: “In my office, with instrument status report, in 5 minutes”.
Luckily I had it ready. So I rushed to print it out and hurried to his office.
After quickly turning 5-6 pages, he threw the report (more than 40 pages) in the air: “Mr. Dam, do you know what you are doing? This is all rubbish. You are mature enough. Why I have to tell you every time what to do?”
I was collecting the pages from ground, listening to his threats to fire me. Sometimes he did it in front of other colleagues.
This went on for at least 1 time per week for nearly 2 years.
Few days ago from writing this post, I was telling this incident to a former colleague. I always had pain, anger, remembering that incident.
But just today, while writing this post and for the first time, I change the way to look at it and that changes quite a lot of things. Dr. Wayne Dyer mentioned this many times in his speeches or books. I start to realize the meaning only now.
I realize how to respond when I am harassed, screamed or yelled at.
But I have to write them down, so that I remember. At least if I forget, I can come back and read this post and remind myself.
I wish I knew and practiced these when I was much younger.
[Related Read: A List of 7 Day Challenges to Start Right Away]
Now I hope some of you know and start practicing them before you lose your spirit and self-control over harassment, screaming, yelling.
1) No Complain:Just don't complain. More time than less, I made a situation worse by complaining back.
When a storm appears, you need to stay put. Eventually every storm passes.
Complaining back is like hoping to collect clear water from a puddle by stirring its muddy water. It's impossible. But if you don't disturb the disturbed puddle, you can have clear water in time.
Complaining back is really a waste of your mental and physical energy.
2) Embrace The Emotions:When you are harassed, you feel angry or broke. I thought resisting or fighting back these so called "destructive" emotions, would be the way.
I was wrong.
Any resistance creates new sets of negative emotions, like blaming, judging others. I start to boil inside.
Now I realize that I need to embrace instead of reject. I accept that I give birth to these negative emotions.
Then I release them in a safe place.
Does it work? I am trying it these days and it works for me.
At one time, when I was rejected, I had so much pain that at first I wanted to die. Then I cried at one corner of my room. And that cleansed the anger, blaming or judging others.
3) Forgive:Forgive the person who harassed you. Not only that, give the permission to forgive yourself. It will save you tremendous amount of effort and energy.
I had a landlady who harassed me for 2 years with complaints, xenophobic letters. My lawyer told me that I had a solid case against her.
I wanted to bring her to the court. I was angry, bitter, revengeful. Both my personal and professional lives were affected.
But then one day, I realized I was losing more of my mental peace to these negative thoughts. Also I realized I, myself, was allowing all these negative emotions to damage my life. So, I chose to forgive her. And myself.
I got some of my mental peace back.
4) Have Gratitude:No matter what the circumstance is, there is always a reason to be thankful for. If you can't find any good reason, at least be thankful for being alive.
Sounds very skeptic. But it works.
One time, I was proposing a working practice to different parties (companies) involved in satellite design. It was only one slide with 6-7 lines. A senior manager from industry opposed strongly. For 30 minutes, he literally tortured me with his strong managerial skills.
I was watching the drama. I was thankful that I didn't spend energy thinking of any negative thoughts. I was thankful because I wasn't taking stress like he would do every day for this multi-billion dollar project.
It felt good.
I can sense readers are rolling their eyes while reading, I will be criticized. I am OK with that. These practices will protect my mental and physical energy to be drained away.
I am feeling grateful.
[Related Read: Learn to Live Once Again After Rejection]