Life is all hell time to time. It is too painful to go through the life when situations wreak havoc. Situations like rejection. Either from work-space or someone whom I love and care, rejection is painful. It dives deep within and starts to consume slowly my well being, till I loose all my control over my negative emotions. Emotions like anger, hatred, enmity, revenge, that I once kept checked. My silent side turns into violent. I carry a life long vengeance toward the thing or the person.
Rejection scares me off.
I used to have hard times dealing with rejection.
A year ago, when my wife decided to relocate to our origin with our son but without me, I felt rejected. Although we were not going into separation or divorce, yet I was afraid thinking of those worse situations in a marriage. I was afraid mostly because of our son. I would miss seeing him growing up. Thinking he would forget me. I was afraid I would never able to hug him tightly, kiss him or hear that sweet call from him.
I became furious; I burst inside and outside. I wanted to end my marriage in a sudden outburst.
Then I became argumentative. I started talking about all the negative aspects of the move. Although none of those had any impact at that point.
And finally, I begged her not to leave.
She relocated with our son.
I broke still I lived.
Here are 3 ways I slowly come back to life after rejection. Are they like rituals? I don't know. May be. I am a human guinea pig. All I know they are essential to bring me back to life.
Grievance:Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychologist, once said: what we resist will persist.
I used to be angry, vengeful the moment I got rejected. Thinking how dare they did this to me. Hatred poured in my mind. And then more; until I damaged myself and hurt others with my words or actions.
Now, I embrace the rejection/pain without resisting it. I find a quiet and comfortable place, embrace the grievance, and cry like a child. Which we supposed to do in response of pain when we were little kids. It seems the warm tears melt down my negative thoughts and wash them away. It is not one time, whenever I remember that pain, I allow myself to cry again.
And I see myself cleansed, from all the negative thoughts caused by initial pain.
Meditation:After that emotional cleansing of my turbulent mind and soul, I do easy, relaxed breathing, placing my one hand on my heart. I say to myself several times that everything will be alright.
Once I have easy breathing, I find a quiet place to sit without leaning anywhere and close my eyes. I pray for well being and prosperous life for all.
And I try to fill my mind with gratitude.
It usually lasts 5-10 minutes, but more I do it, less troubled I feel.
Act of self love:What to do here? A lot. I start doing many things that I like/love to do as a kid and as an adult: watching cartoons, reading comics - stories - novels, doing gardening. I laugh, I feel sad reading an emotion story, I sweat doing gardening under sun. I feel great energy flowing inside from the things that I like to do.
What else? Exercising 5-10 minutes a day, drinking plenty of water, eating healthy food (no junk food - can't love myself if indigestion or something else would happen).
Oh yes, I pamper myself too. I smile at myself in the mirror, saying that after all I am not always bad, many times I just dress bad. I kind of pat my back for all the goodness I have within me.
Feels good. And I feel important to myself.
I notice that if I follow these steps, I calm down myself, in a healthy way instead of resisting the pain from rejection. It does take time to return to normality again. But its not like loosing control on myself when I fight back the rejection.
It happened again when the person I love and care decided to cancel a trip to visit me that we both wanted for quite some time. I resisted that decision as I felt rejected once again. Then I begged not to decide hastily. But this time, those 3 steps are here to save me without bringing out that hideous creature within me.
And I am trying to live once again.